Jun 24, 2009

Bas aur nahin ..... .

Ek raah wo thi, jo tum tak jaati thi,
Ek raah ye hai, jo tumse aati hai....

Bas aur sabra, aur intezaar nahi hota
Ye pehle jaan leti, to shayad pyar nahi hota

Tera raasta dekhtey dekhtey, shayad umra hi kat jaaayegi
Aur jab hosh aayega, to ye zindagi door nazar aayegi

Munasib nahi aur itefaaq shayad,
Ye baat aur woh baat shayad....

Ab tujh pe aur yakeen nahin, aur tere liye ab ye nami nahi
Naa tujhe hai meri zaroorat, aur ab mujhe bhi teri kami nahi

Aaj bas ye musafir, aur rukta nahin,
Aur yahaan, wo manzilein bhi dikhti nahi....

Kyunki faasley jo darmayaan they, wo badhtey gaye,
Aur shayad hum jaane-anjaane hi, par bichadtey gaye,

Aur ab judaa hai raastey, aur nayi hai ye raahein...
Jinme chupaya tha kabhi tujhe, ab woh khuli hai baahein.......

Jun 23, 2009

To My Shore......

It was drizzling outside, or oops.......may be inside. I was wondering where does it all end? It all seemed never ending and so deceptive, that I just felt like breaking out of it. Not sure, what to do....I was allowing the thought to sink in me, I was just awaiting the dawn break, wishing the night fades away soon. It was just making me feel terrible, so I just decided to let the ink dry until my head gets some rest and calmed out.

Why is world so mysterious? All this while, I had been hearing people say, I am so mysterious myself. I just wish I could find answers to so many questions, that keep buzzing me and a solution to this. I couldn't go on like this anymore. I was really tired and petrified by all this. My head grew heavy and my sight was dim. I badly needed solace, just didn't know how to get there......

I was not enjoying mysteries anymore. What was wrong with me? May be I was in the wrong place or may be, at the wrong time. I really needed to feel earth, beneath my feet. It was all so vocal yet violating and defying, my perceptions. I felt so vacant inside that I was wanting the universe, to fill the depth inside me to the core, leaving no place for anything else to creep in. The roads as always seem less travelled, though I had come far enough. I just realized some spaces can never be occupied because they are meant to be open and without boundaries.

The dust seems to be settling now,
But the darkness is sooo damp.....
The dry leaves are ruffling now,
And it seems, there are cramps,,,,,
The roads are widening but the crowd is still bustling
The universe is expanding but my heart seems to be crippling
I have just walked to the bay, and now the beaches are beckoning me
Like, I would be engulfed any moment and soaked to the core
I am longing for a fresh breeze, to twirl around me from head to toe
And take me aloof and away from this, to my only shore....

Jun 19, 2009

The Evening with the Woods ...............

I had to get out of house, but there was nowhere that I wanted to go, that didn’t involve a week’s vacation. I finally pulled on my hand bag, threw in my thingy’s, called up some friends to check if they are interested, but none were really as crazy as I am. However, in my mind I was still unclear on where I was headed. I just shrugged into my clothes and stomped the door. It was overcast, but not raining outside. It didn’t take long enough before I had hit the road and the roads to my house, got almost invisible. All I could hear around me was the squish sound of the calm evening, some youngsters giggling and the sudden cries of the jays.

There was a thin ribbon of trail that led through the dark forests, here or else I wouldn’t have risked wandering here, at this hour of the evening. My sense of direction was hopeless. I could get lost any moment but thanks to my accomplices, ‘my sixth sense’. The trail wounded deeper into the darker woods as if it were a large python wrapping itself around the eucalyptus, hemlocks and the yews. I only vaguely knew the flora & fauna around me. There were many I didn’t know, and others I couldn’t be sure about because it was getting darker outside. As my lost self started to ebb, I started getting more alive. I was more in terms with the surroundings and the roads, the conversations, the movements and the darkness that captivated. A recently fallen tree provided me a little sheltered bench, in those dark woods. I knew it was recent because it was yet not completely carpeted with dust, grass and the silt, lying beneath me. I leaned my head back against a living tree and rested, for a while. This was the wrong place to have come. I should have known, but where else was there to go? The forest was spotted with arid and some green flora. Now that there was no more the sound of my lousy footsteps, the silence surrounding me was piercing. By now, the birds had stopped chirping. The trees and ferns stood higher than my head, as if I was enshrined by the forest lane. Here in the trees, it was much easier to relate to the absurdities that embarrassed me indoors.

Somehow, I forced myself to focus on two vital questions that had got me restless, over the last few months. I had to answer, but I did so unwillingly. First question was to decide, if what I was experiencing was really possible? And my head & heart together, responded with a resounding positive. It was though silly & morbid to ignore such strong notions. But, what then? I asked myself. There was no radical explanation for what I was being through at this moment. I listened again in my head for the things I had felt and experienced: the calm and composure, the impossible speed at which things happened, the memories that stretched far enough, those piercing eyes and far more....... Small things started registering slowly in my head , those unfamiliar cadences and phrases that better fit a 80s century novel or cinema than that of a 21st century conversation……… the sudden utterance of some phrases which otherwise, mean a lot more …....... (to be contd.)

Jun 17, 2009

Who is more pervert : Shiney or the 'Media' bandwagon?

The news came as a shock to me, when it was being flashed on some news channel, the night before. The guilty is yet to be decided but as always media, is actively pursuing the cause, and adding its own quotes, opinions and thoughts to the 'Rape case' charged against the Bollywood actor 'Shiney Ahuja'. Having been with the media industry for more than 2 years now, at times I really wonder what is the real role of media?
- Is it to malign someone's image, simply to capture more eyeballs onto their news snippets?
- Is it to educate the society at large, about the facts and incidents?
- Or even further, to persuade the social set up to form a biased opinion, without having the facts and figures before them?

Take for instance, the Shiney Ahuja case.. The media has not left a stone unturned to tarnish his image, devastate his career, ruin his family life and add to the bruises. Is media not supposed to play a more pivotal role in building families and constructing societies? Why is media so biased towards the statements, made by the cops, at the Oshiwara police station? Without the charge sheet being filed, how can media act so irresponsibly and go on babbling the facts, which are not yet proved, in the court of justice?

Being a feminist to the core, I would any day condemn such heinous acts of violence and immodesty towards women. But somehow, thinking through the origin of the case, it really is difficult to hold Shiney guilty of this vociferous crime. I am somehow forced to think and relate the committal of crime to a man's psychology. What are the personality types that would resort to such ghastly acts of offense? Even the most pervert guy, won't take to something like this especially when he is working with and for all the limelight? Why would a celebrity of his caliber commit such an outrageous act, to demean himself and his family when there are better options available, if the need be. Be it under the influence of alcohol or ecstasy, a shy and reserved person (as he is known to be) can never be expected to enact something as wicked and flagitious as "Rape". The most nut headed human being can't be expected to switch over to such frequencies of maligned psychological behavior. With cultures that have opened across boundaries and accepted practices of the west, strongest sexual orientation is treated as something very normal to human co-existence. Moreover, the personality in question is also not so thick skinned, nor sexually or physically ridiculed that he would have to lay his maid to bed, to satisfy his sexual urges. What on this earth could stop a settled, good looking and a character of such calm and poise, to have consensual intercourse with a still better partner? When its just about an intercourse, why would a happily married, reserved, mature, glamor shy and dedicated actor risk his entire career and image, with such an atrocious act of forced self-indulgence? In black and blue, this appears completely baseless and as lame a charge, if traced and looked over from the origin of such criminal behavior.

As far as medical evidences are concerned, what testifies if the investigators, the examiners and the prosecutors in question, are not all biased or influenced enough under cash, kinds or some material gains? Moreover, I read some posters quoting as "If all this is framed and Shiney is innocent, is it the domestic help who forcibly caused her pain and injuries on her private parts and injected the semen and what not?" 'Why not'? Why isn't it possible? These are all possible means to frame a man on grounds of sexual misconduct and rape, so why can't the blackmailer go to the extent of forcing strong evidences onto her, as well. Putting it simply, why on earth would a 10 year happily married man, a father of a one and a half yr old daughter, a well established, socially responsible, introvert and smart actor get down to something so cheap and ridiculous, as committing rape on his domestic maid? To me, its the most absurd crime I could have even thought of coming across.

Irrespective, of what the quotes are, I would plead the media to act more intelligently and dwell into the facts before flagging off such offensive and demeaning comments on any respected socialite. Media needs to put itself back into the role of educating the masses with truth, instead of quotations, thoughts and biased opinions from everyone except the real eye-witnesses. Unless, they have the court's verdict and the final judgment on the crime, its committal and the criminal, they should abet from creating buzz around such lame news pieces, just to sell more copies and add to their readership pie.

Let us hope for justice to be meted out, in the court of law!!!

Jun 12, 2009

In BITS & PIECES .....?

At times, life leaves us on certain turns which never lead to a doorway. They just keep leading from one turn, to another and yet another, and a never ending chase is on....... I have heard people telling it was just meant to be that way, or may be it was just a phase that came and passed away. I completely disagree though! How could something inflicting you so deeply, could just be an incident, a moment that you live and forget or a season that was just completing its cycle? How could this be possible?

The first look that caught your eye; the first word that went unheard but you sensed it, yet; the first touch that felt so special and so yours; the first smile that dwells in your heart till date; the first dream that felt like the best day in your life; the first magic that was cast on you and made you loose your senses; the first time your heart skipped a beat, without you even realizing - Is it merely a co-incidence? How on the earth could you agree to something like this? I believe, there are such moments which never get exhausted in one go, rather keep coming in bits and pieces to us, time and again. May be they don't wish to desert us forever, so they never happen to be with us, every second and every minute. They keep returning to us and yet abandoning us, at the same time ..... may be to keep us longing for more.

I am not so aware of what I am feeling and being through but I'm just so restless that I can just fake a normal breath. My eyes are wandering to catch a glimpse of someone who is not around and may be not even aware of this state of mine. I sooo want to let him know "If he couldn't have made me a part of his existence forever, why did he even come to me? Why did he force this dream onto me which is sooo incomplete? Why does he keep making me feel his presence in bits & pieces, every now and then?" I need him to know and accept, if this is an illusion, don't let it sink into my soul. And, I know its only you who can help it. Let it pass.... If we are not meant to be together, why even bother me with a dream that I can't live and just keep hoping for? Just after you walked in my life, I have started feeling lonely once again. I feel, I need you and I really do!!! May be you understand if it was said this way:

Tukdon tukdon mein mujhse roz milne wale sun,
Agar mukkamal nahi milna, to kyon koi khaab bun,
Tanha tanha huin main,
Mujhe teri zaroorat hai

It seems as if I am living through something, so unsure. Without you, even the idea of this life scares me sooo much. I fail to confide in anything and anyone. As if something is sucking into me, and getting deep down my soul. My heart is gripped and feels so heavy, when I am alone. I don't know which moment I may perish. I am just living in bits and pieces ... .... and dying away, every day at a pace that doesn't even let me realize I am standing so close to my coffin.

Jun 9, 2009

And the world slows down... ...

Why does everything come to a standstill, when you are ailing? Why does the world, seems to be moving even faster, when you have slowed down a bit? Seems like, those few hours or days, have taken a toll on your life.... and that you'll miss a lot all this while. May be, it's because our soul and body are so strongly interconnected that when the soul is sad, the body crumbles down and when the body is ailing, the soul falls apart.

But then, do we believe in the existence of souls and spirits? Have you seen one, around? I wonder really, if any of us would have seen them with naked eyes. Though, I won't completely deny the fact that some of us, would have surely felt those qualms of sudden sickness, misery and pain or may be their inexplicable presence and sudden appearances in the dark woods. There is however, no scientific evidence that could associate to the soul's presence. How come then, have I felt that way? Why does this world slow down and the time pieces freeze, when my soul seems to be well fed and deeply contended. May be, it's just a state of euphoria that captures my heart, transits to my soul and invades my body or may be my hyper-imaginative mind, lost in the colorful realms of my dreams.

Whatever it is, it does prove a point that there is something that couldn't be touched, something we can't have our eyes on, something that we can just long to seek and capture forever but all we can barely do about it, is feel its presence and relate to it. Our bodies confide in our souls and vice-versa. I wonder if they have ever existed alone and if they have, I know for sure, this world would have slowed down ... as if it was standing on a porch and mourning the demise of its beloved!!!

Jun 5, 2009

Kuch Yaadein.....

Wo yaadein de kar, mere wajood me utar kar
Yun hi door, bahut door, jaa baithey hain
Apni haalat ki khud hi khabar nai rahi mujhko....
Aur logon se suna, main khoyi si rehti hoon....
Teri bas ek nazar, wo sau sawaal de gayi
Har pal jo rehta hai, aisa khyal de gayi hai
Main doob hi rahi thi, ki samandar hi theher gaya
Is se pehle ki sambhalti, wo aankhon mein utar gaya
Aur ab magroor hai ye aankhien, kyunki inme khwab tumhara hai
Par mazboor hai ye dil, ye bezuban bechara hai....
Kash ki tum, baawaqt isey samajh sako...
Warna to ye janaja bhi aawara hai.....