Feb 28, 2009

Emotional Learning

For some reason, there are times when we choose to learn our way. We live in denial, we disregard the experiences that others share and we tend to see vice behind each li'l piece of advice. Seems like the entire universe is conspiring against us and we'd be trapped, any day....... Most of us, live with it day in and day out and assume this, to be their real world where everything would be just perfect. Is it really what we feel and see? Probably not, until we are emotionally paralyzed and we fail to strike the balance between perceptions and existence.

This is where the 'Learning' comes to the frontier of emotional turbulence. All of us, at one point or other feel the need for 'emotional learning' and acclimatization. Emotional learning demands that we strip off, layer by layer, the false and limiting beliefs that our social set up has taught us.

One of the many limiting beliefs says “The past is history, the future’s mystery and the present is a gift – that’s why it’s called the present.” Well, I'd never deny that the present is a special gift. Equally, it is our own personal parcel and we need to pull off a fair few layers before we see and appreciate that gift.

The rest of the phrase is more problematic. Yes, the past is history, although it only becomes history when we consign it to history and we do that only when, we no longer need to keep it in our life to justify our existence, today. This happens when we allow ourselves to see all that is valuable about us and so no longer experience the past as our only badge of honor. But is the future really a mystery? It’s the rare, gifted person who can foresee the future, admittedly. Yet almost everyone thinks as if they could foresee the future. What they foresee, or more correctly expect, is generally more of the same. More bad stuff......... Either more of what they have already experienced, or the bad stuff that other people have, helpfully, told them about! Most people cannot predict events, especially major events, because they lack information. But then, they can play an active part in shaping their own future.

The reason for doing so is that visualizing and believing that you can have good things in your life, just as many good things as anybody else, is something that abused women stop doing. If they ever really started............

Never underestimate the abusive intelligence. It is geared to break your spirit and your dreams. An abuser carefully programs into you the belief that you can never have the things that are available to others – except through him. We all know that script. Reduced to its essence it goes essentially - ‘without me, you will be an outcast. You’ll eke out a wretched existence in a cave somewhere, coated in mud, dressed in rags, scratching around in the dry earth for roots to eat.” And trust me, it’s powerful stuff. It erodes your self-worth. It sounds more and more convincing the more you hear it. And you stop dreaming and visualizing the healthy, available, positive things you deserve. It impairs you and your ability to visualize or the habit? What is the sense in not visualizing? What do you get by staying within the old destructive beliefs?

Absolutely nothing.............. Break the shell and get out of it, the moment you know its paralyzing you and imparing your judgements!!!!

But you may find visualizing difficult. Happily, human beings are at the top of the evolutionary tree. Unlike other animals we can change our responses to situations. In my experience, abused women may well carry on responding in the same way to the difficulties of an abusive relationship. But this only happens until they learn that there are other ways available to them. That revealation changes their beliefs and behaviours. And this, in turn, changes their life......... "Visualizing" what you desire – as opposed to what you really, really don’t want more of - is an extremely powerful tool for getting what you want.

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