Feb 28, 2009

Emotional Learning

For some reason, there are times when we choose to learn our way. We live in denial, we disregard the experiences that others share and we tend to see vice behind each li'l piece of advice. Seems like the entire universe is conspiring against us and we'd be trapped, any day....... Most of us, live with it day in and day out and assume this, to be their real world where everything would be just perfect. Is it really what we feel and see? Probably not, until we are emotionally paralyzed and we fail to strike the balance between perceptions and existence.

This is where the 'Learning' comes to the frontier of emotional turbulence. All of us, at one point or other feel the need for 'emotional learning' and acclimatization. Emotional learning demands that we strip off, layer by layer, the false and limiting beliefs that our social set up has taught us.

One of the many limiting beliefs says “The past is history, the future’s mystery and the present is a gift – that’s why it’s called the present.” Well, I'd never deny that the present is a special gift. Equally, it is our own personal parcel and we need to pull off a fair few layers before we see and appreciate that gift.

The rest of the phrase is more problematic. Yes, the past is history, although it only becomes history when we consign it to history and we do that only when, we no longer need to keep it in our life to justify our existence, today. This happens when we allow ourselves to see all that is valuable about us and so no longer experience the past as our only badge of honor. But is the future really a mystery? It’s the rare, gifted person who can foresee the future, admittedly. Yet almost everyone thinks as if they could foresee the future. What they foresee, or more correctly expect, is generally more of the same. More bad stuff......... Either more of what they have already experienced, or the bad stuff that other people have, helpfully, told them about! Most people cannot predict events, especially major events, because they lack information. But then, they can play an active part in shaping their own future.

The reason for doing so is that visualizing and believing that you can have good things in your life, just as many good things as anybody else, is something that abused women stop doing. If they ever really started............

Never underestimate the abusive intelligence. It is geared to break your spirit and your dreams. An abuser carefully programs into you the belief that you can never have the things that are available to others – except through him. We all know that script. Reduced to its essence it goes essentially - ‘without me, you will be an outcast. You’ll eke out a wretched existence in a cave somewhere, coated in mud, dressed in rags, scratching around in the dry earth for roots to eat.” And trust me, it’s powerful stuff. It erodes your self-worth. It sounds more and more convincing the more you hear it. And you stop dreaming and visualizing the healthy, available, positive things you deserve. It impairs you and your ability to visualize or the habit? What is the sense in not visualizing? What do you get by staying within the old destructive beliefs?

Absolutely nothing.............. Break the shell and get out of it, the moment you know its paralyzing you and imparing your judgements!!!!

But you may find visualizing difficult. Happily, human beings are at the top of the evolutionary tree. Unlike other animals we can change our responses to situations. In my experience, abused women may well carry on responding in the same way to the difficulties of an abusive relationship. But this only happens until they learn that there are other ways available to them. That revealation changes their beliefs and behaviours. And this, in turn, changes their life......... "Visualizing" what you desire – as opposed to what you really, really don’t want more of - is an extremely powerful tool for getting what you want.

Feb 6, 2009

I see you my "ANGEL"

I see you my Angel, in my Mom
When she dresses me and my tresses
And treats me like her li'l princess
When she adores me like her cutie doll
And for those, trying to catch a glimpse of me
She keeps away the evil eye, with a dot from her Kohl

I see you in my Grandma
When she loves me without being asked for
When she seconds me on everything and defends me, every hour
And when she makes me yummy dishes as I'm starving to death
And when she is the only one to bail me out, in times of distress

I see you in my Dad
Who stands tall to trust me, without any evidence
Who loves me equally in smiles and pain
Who is proud to have me as his daughter
And is always all set to chatter

I see you in my Lover
When he behaves insane
And pours love like rain
And accepts me the way I am
When he stands by me in moments of pain
When he is there to care, without any claims

I see you in my Brother
When he misses me and calls me to say that
When he adores me and shouts it loud that I'm his sister
When he fights with me and calls back to say, I'm sorry
When he shares with me, each and every story
When he comes to me, in times of need and doubts
When he seeks my blessings and asks for advice
When he respects me and defends me, in vice

I saw you in my pets "Pepsi" and "Alex"
When they would jump over and snuggle around me
When they would run and hide themselves behind me
When they would want to play with me, through the day
And be restless, when they saw me leaving
And they would feel sorry to see me crying
And sit beside to lick me, till I'm back smiling

I saw you in my Mentors
Who taught me the wisdom of life and guided me through
Who walked before me, so they could share their experiences
And save me from all the odds and grievances
Who spared their time, to sit and talk to me
Who kept an eye on me, to tell if I'm taking to the right paths
And make me feel like the "Teacher's Pet", always
Who believed me more than I could ever do,
Who supported me with all that I ever wanted to do

I have been feeling you, in the Idols I worship
When they patiently listen to me, day in and day out
When they always guide silently, without letting me know, they're around
When they shower their blessings, even when I missed on asking
When they bless me in disguise and save me from malice
When they help me see through and know what to do
When they make me feel their presence, when I'm broken and low

If you're the messengers, or my saviors
The guardian angels or the heaven's fairies
I am clueless about your origin
And where from you descended.....
Whether you are unseen or unfelt
And if you're overrated or underestimated
If you're a figure or the speech
If you're unknown and out of reach

All, I know and I care to know is
I have you by my side, always
I know you are my ANGELS
And you'll keep me protected, any day
I see you my ANGEL
And I wish to be with you, always..........

Feb 5, 2009

I'm Addicted!!!

When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end. But I can’t stop crying since you left……..and it seems I’ll never have someone like you ever again. You entered my life as a dream, the dream that never came true. The irony is I say I have moved on in life and I have tried my best but you’re the only one, I seek in every single man in my life……your absolute, flawless, unconditional, endless love which needed none other than me and no reason to love me. Why the hell you loved me beyond what could be related? Why couldn’t you be just another dog, another guy who keeps leching at every other girl? And why did you leave me to myself when you knew there is no replacement for you. Will I ever be able to love and move out of you? I just have all the questions and blanks in my life with no hints, to decide the flow or seek help.

I hate this…. But as they say, I can’t even grieve because you’re the best that I could ever have. I am diseased and crippled; I just can’t do without your love……..I feel so helpless. I got to know it pretty late that I was addicted to you. You always knew it though, I wonder how???